Co-dependent

這幾個月，或許已經一年，內心一直不平安，自己想找一個平安的位置，可惜站在任何一個空間，都是被牽連著。

由兩年前開始，不斷參與了很多輔導活動，最後的結論就是…『Co-dependent』，我聽也沒有聽過這名詞。

一直也被身邊的事搖擺著，猛力的搖晃，就像一隻破船在暴風雨中沒有了鑼盤，沒有了方向，面對各項的指責，這包括在看文章的你，都令我感到沮喪。

一早起床，但害怕上班，放工也害怕……做每件事也害怕。

我還想像一個正常人一樣，可以一起開心，唱歌，吃飯，打機，和身邊每一個人成為好朋友。

想了很久，很多方法去終結現在的精神狀態，想內心平安…

在網上找了一會，只找到我的病徵……對，他們只話我知我是Co-dependent ，但Co-dependent 是什麼呢？

各位朋友們，可能我會表現得很情緒化，很harsh ，話中有骨，我也不知為何，但請你看一看我的特徵，對你們和我相處會有點幫助吧。

我會繼續找治療方法。

from: http://members.tripod.com/realisticdaydreams/codepend.htm

Typical Characteristics of a Co-Dependent


I assume responsibility for other's feelings and behaviors.

I feel overly responsible for other's feelings and behaviors.
I have difficulty in identifying feelings -- Am I Angry? Lonely? Sad? Happy? Joyful?

I have difficulty expressing feelings -- I am feeling ... Happy, Sad, Hurt, Joyful.
I tend to fear and/or worry how others may respond to my feelings.
I have difficulty in forming and/or maintaining close relationships.

I am afraid of being hurt and/or rejected by others.
I am perfectionistic and place too many expectations on myself and others.
I have difficulty making decisions.

I tend to minimize, alter or even deny the truth about how I feel.
Other people's actions and attitudes tend to determine how I respond/react.
I tend to put other people's wants and needs first.
My fear of other's feelings (anger) determines what I say and do.
I question or ignore my own values to connect with significant others.

I value other's opinions more than my own.

My self-esteem is bolstered by outer/other influences.

I cannot acknowledge good things about myself.
My serenity and mental attention is determined by how other's are feeling and/or behaving.

I tend to judge everything I do, think, or say harshly; by someone else's standards -- nothing is done, said, or thought "Good Enough".

I do not know or believe that being vulnerable and asking for help is both OKAY and NORMAL.

I do not know that it is OKAY to talk about problems outside the family; or that feelings just are -- and it is better to share them than to deny, minimize or justify them.

I tend to put other people's wants and needs before my own.

I am steadfastly loyal -- even when the loyalty is unjustified -- and personally harmful.

I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others.

我可以點做呢？